waiting

My sister in law sent me this email today. It was beautiful, so I forwarded it on to my kids. They are waiting with me for my biopsy report to come back tomorrow. The clock seems to be ticking pretty slow.

Hi Dan and Cris: This part of Psalm 91: 4 came to mind for you guys:

He will cover you with his

feathers,
And under His wings you
may seek refuge;
His faithfulness will be your shield
and rampart,

Years ago I heard a lady speak named Laurel Lee who wrote "Walking Through the Fire"...her husband left her with two little kids when she was pregnant and also had cancer. She talked about being so distressed one time all she could think to pray was " feathers, feathers".

That is my prayer for you...."feathers, comfort, soft, waterproof, light, strong, beautiful, protective". Blessings as you move about your day. Fighting fear is a spiritual discipline and a choice. I don't do it well. Everytime I start to fear for you you I am going to pray " FEATHERS".

Much love, Sue

Renewed strength

Isiah 40:31

American King James Version
But they that wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint:

I heard a wonderful sermon on Sunday about not growing weary. I knew if was from the Lord to me. I even told Dan on Sunday that I felt like it was a message from the Lord to me. I know that thousands of other people felt it was for them and it was. It was for all of us. The Lord wants us all to run the good race and not grow weary.

I had my 3 month CT scan last Tuesday and I kind of new something was not right.
The Dr Called Dan and I on Monday and said that the 2 spots in my lungs that they were watching to make sure they did not change had done just that . They had gotten bigger and now I had a friend for the one in my left lung.
I am scheduled for a biopsy on Monday July 16th at 7am. Yes of course I am having to talk my self down. I have to keep reminding myself that the Lord has not let go of my hand , not even once. That what ever path he should choose for me to walk down he is with me. He is my strength and my shield.  I can do this.

Also the love my my amazing husband, family and friends. You have no idea how much strength you all give to me.

Either one will work

Well I am getting ready for my second CT scan since my radiation treatments. I will have it on Tuesday and I see my oncologist on the 12th to go over what ever they find. A phone call ahead of time means it looks great. No phone call means either she wants to talk to me in person .. OR like last time she read it just minutes before we meet with her. I like the phone call ahead of time. The 3rd untill the 12th is a long time.
She always says she will not give bad news over the phone.
I would like the phone call ahead of time.

Smells like Yellow

I was watching my grand kids the other night so that their Mom and Dad could have a date night. We read books, ate pizza, watched a movie, ran through the sprinkler ( them not me).
Then we went out front for them to eat fudge cycles and ride bikes. While we were out there my 2 year old  grand daughter Aubrey was picking the smallest yellow flowers off some weed in the grass . They were so tiny when she wanted you to smell them you had to do very carefully otherwise they would end up in your sinuses. After smelling a few of these she said. " Nina these smell like yellow"  I just love what my grand kids say. I just love my grand kids. Life is so good that even a small weed can bring pleasure if you want it to.

My cup runneth over

 

MY CUP RUNNETH OVER

It really does on the right side. :)
Ok, it looks like I will need one more surgery.  I have had pain on the right side of my chest for several weeks. From my sternum to my arm pit. Some times it has scared me....
. well many many times it has put fear in my heart. I also noticed that my right breast seemed to be a little more volumptious on the top that it used to be.  I went in and saw one of my favorite ladies Wendy at Dr Leonard's office. She said that I have a contracture going on on that side.  That accounts for shape change and yes the pain. OH YES!!!!!!!
so excited to have a contracture. It will be a easy surgery out patient, so home the same day. Then I can go back to being bra less again. This height change the last few weeks has been so noticeable that I have not wanted to do that. That was going to be the big perk ( no pun intended ) well yes there was:)  I have enjoyed the no bra and having the girls stay were they belonged. I don't like these unruly girls.
It is also such a big relief to know that is what is causing my pain.
I have a CT scan scheduled for about 4 weeks from now and a appointment with my oncologist. Yes they are taking good care of me.
The contracture is just something that can happen. No fault of mine.

BIG SMILE ON THIS GIRLS FACE

My comfort ring

I would have to say that if I have to much time by myself I can start to make mountains out of mole hills. I went to Bend this past Wed and had 2 entire days and nights by myself. You can think a lot of good thoughts when you have that much time.
But the old saying idol hands are the devils workshop. Well that is my mind. In the middle of my back on the right side I have had some pain for about 2 weeks now. not constant just now and then. I have been thinking IT IS PROBABLY CANCER IN MY LUNG. That is my mind. and then sometimes I could convince myself that I am sure it is. I could even take it so far as to think that we should not start doing the remodel on the Sunriver house at this time because I am going to need treatment again. My heart starts to race. I think about my family and what it will do to them........ Oh ya, I have a BIG imaginations

Then the voice of reason Dan comes in when he gets to Bend and says I have those same ache and pains all the time. It does not mean cancer. We are just getting older  . WHAT??????
that is so reasonable and sane.

The thing I have noticed about my self . When I am feeling a little scared or not myself I tend to put my Mom's mothers ring on. She gave it to me when she passed away. When I am waring it I feel closer to her. It usually means I need my Momma. Her birthday, mothers day, and when I want my Mom.
It is my comfort ring.

Happy Mothers day to all the Mom's I know out there.

 I believe that most of us Mom's would say that our children our the best thing we ever did. I know that is what I think. If I were only put here on this earth.... for this time in the world... by the Lord... to give birth to my 3 wonderful children..... so that they could go on and have the beautiful children that they have. Then it was all worth it. They are my BEST work Rachael, Michael and Kail. I love you more than you will ever know.
Mom