The Lord is my Old Faithfull / is that ok to say

Dan and I have had a blast doing our road trip to Yellowstone Park. We planned to do this about 3 years ago then I got  sick and we put it off.
This time we planned it and I got sick and we said no better time then the present. So off we went we took our little Rosebud trailer and we packed her full of great things to much on, comfortable cloths and our computers :) Yes we love our computers. Some of you take your pets on your vacations we take our computers. Much neater, nothing to feed and nothing to clean up after.

I went to Yellowstone park with my Grand Parents and my Parents when I was 7 or 8. There is a lake called Jenny Lake at the base of the Grand Tetons ( GRAND for a reason ). I would tell Dan about it every once in a while. I really was impressed as a child how beautiful that lake was. So we had to make a trip to the lake.

 We stayed a couple of Nights in Jackson Wyoming and looked that area over. For me I would have to say the part of the trip that had the most impact on my was the little church in the Tetons. I have also told Dan about this church for years and the view it had out its little window. How you could feel the Lord there. Well It has not changed. We got there and it looked exactly as I had remembered it. Walking up there is a big bell. I rang that bell and it echoed all around us. .     

We went inside and again it was just like I remembered except one thing. This time the presence of the Lord was more than I have ever felt any where ever.

I wanted to talk about what I was feeling, but could only cry. I felt like the Lord was telling me again to ask him for a healing, from my cancer and from my pain. It felt like I had the biggest lump in my throat and I could not speak so only tears came. Finally I told Dan through choking tears that I felt like I was to pray for a healing. He prayed for me and I cryed some more.

 

We walked around and looked at the rest of the building that they had there, but I felt like I had just been covered in the Lords presence like a blanked. I felt it the rest of the day.

 

I have had what would in the begging a small spot under my right breast on a rib ( it felt like ) that would just hurt every now and then. Then it became more and more. Then I had surgery about 3 weeks ago to get rid so some scar tissue that was making things look bad and hurt. When I woke up this spot was much worse. It hurt the most. Over the days following the surgery it seemed to be getting a bit better. When we got on our trip it went into hyper drive and just was so painful. I was taking something for the pain every 4 hours. My radiation Doctor said it could have been caused by the radiation. All I knew was that I wanted it gone.

 

We still walked through all the majestic beauty of the Yellowstone Park and kept saying how amazing the Lord was for creating all of it. We saw so much natural beauty. If you ever get the chance to go it should be on everyone bucket list.

We came across a whole heard of Bison. Dan was reading on a sign about them when 2 of them started a grunting and head butting each other just on the other side of the ( flimsy ) sign . Everyone stepped back and Dan stood still taking pictures.

We had such a wonderful time. It was just as I imagined it would be.

But wait

This is not the end of my story. When we got back to our home in Bend. Again I felt like I was suppose to ask the Lord to heal me. So I prayed that he would. I woke up at about 7am the next morning and I still had that dang pain just as bad as ever. I went back to bed and woke up at 8:30 and yes it was GONE. I am praising the Lord for that.

 

 I believe that he wants us to keep bring our issues to him. His word says to come to his throne continually. So I am not bugging him I am only doing what he has asked of me. and Yes I woke up again today with no pain and had to share it. Thank you JESUS

P.S It was our 30th wedding anniversary on August 21st. The Lord gave me the answer to my prayers over 30 years ago and he is still answering them.

  

 

The whirl wind

Wow, where do I begin. Life was such a whirl wind for about 2 weeks. I am feeling grounded again. Maybe it is because I had surgery and had to slow down. I feel like my feet are back on the ground. Or should I say off the bed.

ok, lets start with the surgery. I was thinking a small surgery life the left boob a little more and get all the scar tissue out of the right one caused by the radiation. That sounds easy right?

Well now I have a drain coming out of my right side and left side and way more pain than I thought. It came in between the mastectomy and the getting of my permanent implants for a pain scale. I must say though that yesterday seemed to be a turning point and now if I could just get these drains out and and the elastic band that is around the top of my boobs gone I would feel way better. I can feel the drain in my right side right under my breast laying on my rib I think.

The day Dan and I were told that I should have about 2 years until the tumors in my lungs became symptomatic, then 3 years of treatments and anything after that would be a bonus. There is no other thing to say then. Are you kidding me. I am going to die of cancer. That is a hard one to wrap your brain around. I have always kind of thought I would, but even that is no guarantee. I could be hit by a bolt of lightening, fall in the shower, (chock on a chicken bone ,this one is more likely )

Dan and I both went through bouts of crying and sadness. We took a few days off from the world and we were together. It is a togetherness like no other. When you feel like you are going to be torn from the one you love so much. That nothing else matters. You can not put into words enough how heavy your heart feels. All the things that you think you will not be there for. I want to grow old with Dan. I want to be the one to get his slippers and help him put them on his feet. I want to cuddle into the curve of his back and keep his old bones warm. I want to be the one that goes to the store and gets his favorite foods and buy his undies and socks. This is what I want to do. I want to look at him and see the young man I married almost 30 years ago. I still see him everyday.

Then I realized that maybe we have been given a gift. KNOWLEDGE. Time is more precious than ever don't waste it.

So, we are getting our home that we have loved for about 11 years on the market and looking to move to a single story home. Little to no yard and probably brand new ( no work for Dan on weekends) We are going to play on the weekends and spend time with the people that we love. No more time on the yard, plumbing. caulking. whatever. Hopeful we will have simplified our daily life.

In the midst of our whirl wind Dan and I sat down and poured our hearts out to what what was going through our minds.  We did not hold back for fear of making the other person more afraid. I told him the thing that I was struggling with the most was that I felt like I was losing everyone, EVERYONE . At some point I would be gone and I was going to miss out on all that my family was doing and growing. My family means the world to me, they are my life's reward, my reason for being.

Dan said that at first he would be in shock and go to work and come home and pretend I was at work. Then he would be the old man that shows up to the holidays alone. That his home would never be home again without me here. For me looking at it now his walk through this will be much harder than mine. For this I am so sorry for. Letting each other know what was running around in our minds like crazy little devils, started the process of getting grounded again.  

We were both going through our own whirl winds and needed to say a few thing things in order to get our feet on the ground. Then the peace of Jesus came in like a flood, over flowing.

I thought about going to heaven and seeing all the people that I love there. My mom and Dad. Wow I miss them. I am sure that they have found out some great things about heaven that they can point out to me. I was thinking how people think that you are floating in the sky with a harp. NO that's not it. I am going to be dinning with my loved ones and the King of king the Lord of Lords. My guess is that there will be loads of laughter and joking. I love to do that. "Laughter doeth good like a medicine".

No I think heaven is going to put Earth to shame . no sadness, no tears, no sickness. It is going to be amazing.  I will be thinking .... I cant wait for them to get here to see what THEY were missing.

For now I am going to put as much life in my life that I can. Love my family and I am going to live REALLY live my life.

Elizabeth

Most of you know that my cancer has come back in my lungs. The have said that I wont be symptomatic for a couple of years . Sounds like they are saying I have about 5 years left with the possibility of more. No one knows the date they will pass on, I just have a range in time. So I am going to be about making the most of it. I will write more about that in my next blog.

 I have a great friend waiting in heaven to see me. She went home to be with the Lord Christmas day 2011. She has prayed for me for years. First for my salvation from grade school through high school (I needed lots of prayer). Then  after I got saved she prayed for what ever the need was in my life. I know that most of the people that Elizabeth meet on her path of life she has prayed for. She was one of the most amazing Christians I have even had the pleasure to know. Her Mom sent me this message through face book. I want to share it on my blog.

FROM:Shirley A. Siefarth

Cris, I dreamed about you last night. A group of women gathered on a dock by a river..instead of praying for you we were singing praises on your behalf. As I was taking my place with the other women, Elizabeth came in to join us. When I turned and saw her, I was amazed that she could be there. As we all were leaving the dock I stepped in to speak to her. I said I didn't know you could join us and she said "Oh yes, I can." It was a sweet dream. I'm praying for you Cris.

I believe that Elizabeth is singing praises and praying for me in heaven. She has the Lords ear.

waiting

My sister in law sent me this email today. It was beautiful, so I forwarded it on to my kids. They are waiting with me for my biopsy report to come back tomorrow. The clock seems to be ticking pretty slow.

Hi Dan and Cris: This part of Psalm 91: 4 came to mind for you guys:

He will cover you with his

feathers,
And under His wings you
may seek refuge;
His faithfulness will be your shield
and rampart,

Years ago I heard a lady speak named Laurel Lee who wrote "Walking Through the Fire"...her husband left her with two little kids when she was pregnant and also had cancer. She talked about being so distressed one time all she could think to pray was " feathers, feathers".

That is my prayer for you...."feathers, comfort, soft, waterproof, light, strong, beautiful, protective". Blessings as you move about your day. Fighting fear is a spiritual discipline and a choice. I don't do it well. Everytime I start to fear for you you I am going to pray " FEATHERS".

Much love, Sue

Renewed strength

Isiah 40:31

American King James Version
But they that wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint:

I heard a wonderful sermon on Sunday about not growing weary. I knew if was from the Lord to me. I even told Dan on Sunday that I felt like it was a message from the Lord to me. I know that thousands of other people felt it was for them and it was. It was for all of us. The Lord wants us all to run the good race and not grow weary.

I had my 3 month CT scan last Tuesday and I kind of new something was not right.
The Dr Called Dan and I on Monday and said that the 2 spots in my lungs that they were watching to make sure they did not change had done just that . They had gotten bigger and now I had a friend for the one in my left lung.
I am scheduled for a biopsy on Monday July 16th at 7am. Yes of course I am having to talk my self down. I have to keep reminding myself that the Lord has not let go of my hand , not even once. That what ever path he should choose for me to walk down he is with me. He is my strength and my shield.  I can do this.

Also the love my my amazing husband, family and friends. You have no idea how much strength you all give to me.

Either one will work

Well I am getting ready for my second CT scan since my radiation treatments. I will have it on Tuesday and I see my oncologist on the 12th to go over what ever they find. A phone call ahead of time means it looks great. No phone call means either she wants to talk to me in person .. OR like last time she read it just minutes before we meet with her. I like the phone call ahead of time. The 3rd untill the 12th is a long time.
She always says she will not give bad news over the phone.
I would like the phone call ahead of time.

Smells like Yellow

I was watching my grand kids the other night so that their Mom and Dad could have a date night. We read books, ate pizza, watched a movie, ran through the sprinkler ( them not me).
Then we went out front for them to eat fudge cycles and ride bikes. While we were out there my 2 year old  grand daughter Aubrey was picking the smallest yellow flowers off some weed in the grass . They were so tiny when she wanted you to smell them you had to do very carefully otherwise they would end up in your sinuses. After smelling a few of these she said. " Nina these smell like yellow"  I just love what my grand kids say. I just love my grand kids. Life is so good that even a small weed can bring pleasure if you want it to.