confusion to peace

Jenn Johnson - Come to Me

http://youtu.be/sjut9VTv4fw
 

 

This a song that Nydrie Edwards posted today on her facebook.  Thanks Nydrie.

 

I did not know what to write about today, but felt like putting my thoughts down on paper. I guess that today I am a little confused and not sure how I should feel. So what I really need today is just peace in my mind and my heart.

 

I got a call from the Mayo clinic today stating that they did more stains on my tumor and that they had 2 pathologists read it and they both agreed that it was a triple negative cancer.

I have had so many different diagnosis and with each one your cancer is treated a little different.

1st  triple negative

2nd  progesterone positive ( slightly)

3rd estrogen receptor positive ( slightly )

4th triple negative By 2 pathologists.

 

SOOO, the study I was going to do at the Mayo clinic is now being changed back to the original one that I was going to go there for. I have been on some meds that they will probably take me off of with this diagnosis. I am a little bummed because that means that I have been having basically no treatment for about 5 weeks. Because the drug I have been on is for estrogen receptor positive cancer.

 

I know that they will get it all worked out, but truly a bit tearful. I m feeling a bit overwhelmed today. Tomorrow is a new day.

 

New day today: I think I figured out what I was feeling. I have been taking Letrozol for about 5-6 weeks. I was told there was a 1% chance it would slow down my cancer ,then I was told that there was a 10% chance it would slow down my cancer. Then yesterday I was told that it would not do anything. I think that even though the numbers were low I was still very hopeful and yesterday I lost my hope for that drug and had to be honest with my self that I was REALLY hoping that it was going to do something. That I would go back in for a CT scan and they would say wow it is smaller or wow it did not change at all.  These are the bumpy roads I have talked about. Now that I know what I am feeling I can organize it , look at it, analyze it and get over it and move on. :)