Some days just stink

Wednesday Dan went with me to my treatment, because on Wednesdays the doctor meets with us and tells us how the treatment is going and what the future plan for my treatment is.
This week they said that they are getting ready to narrow the scope of my treatment starting next Tuesday. It will be just the area of the last tumor. This is good as the skin under my arm is starting to be red and blistered so it will get to start healing while go after harder the other area. They have been doing that area also all along. Now it is just going to be even more focused and stronger in that area. I knew when I was done I would be going back to the oncologist that could possible suggest that I try a new chemo. I have been and continue to be not mentally prepared at all to do this. The Doctor called my other oncologist and talked to her and cam back to say that at this time she is thinking that she would not suggest chemo. I was sitting there with my head to just about explode trying not to just burst into tears and fall apart like a big baby. It was like I had eaten something sour and the pain you get behind your ears was growing in pressure more and more. It actually hurt. I know that she could still suggest something, but to know that she is leaning on not really brings me hope that I will not have to do that  again. This week has been a emotional one. I had one friend pass away from liver cancer on Christmas, one having a mastectomy today, Rachael still has her drains in, Kail is almost done with part 2 of her reconstruction. I think that my plate just dripped off the sides today and all I wanted to do this evening was cry. You guessed it I am tired, to bed with me.

Dan and I are going to go and celebrate at the beach when this is done . I am really looking forward to being done. Should be done around January 18th. That is what they are saying right now.

Thursday:
I was out showing a home today  and it had a real stink to it. I actually told my clients that I would have to go out of the house as the smell was making me feel real sick. That does not happen often. Smells are making me kind of sensitive right now.
The first home had pet hair balls that were so big laying around the house that if they had legs I would have thought they had a gerbil infestation. That one smelled also, but not like the last one.

Epidemic or what?

Wow!!!, I don't know if I go through a  whole week without hearing that some one that I know has cancer. This past two weeks it is lung cancer and breast cancer.
What is going on?
I did get good news this past week from my radiation oncologist. The first one I saw said that I had a 60% chance that the breast cancer would not come back. My new doctor said it is more like 75% or better that it would not come back . YAHOOOOOO Merry Christmas Cris:)

They gave me some sheets if jelled water. That is what it looks like. you open the package peel of a blue sheet and then it looks like a thin sheet of water that has been jelled. It pulls the heat out of your skin. I love this stuff. I lay it on my chest and it pulls the heat out. Very cold going on and then they get warm to the touch from taking the heat from you and transferring it to the gel pack. I am so thankful for all the stuff that they give me at the Salem cancer institute to help keep my skin as good as I can. They are amazing there. The team that gives me my treatment are some of the nicest people I have ever meet. I love the smiles on their facesIt is not just on their lips, but their eye's also. The Lord has been good to me as far as who is taking care of me. I have complete trust in them.

16 more treatments left

I am starting to see changes in my skin from the 19 treatments that I have already had. I am really looking forward to not going to treatment each day. The whole place has the smell of the special lotion. I think that triggers a bit of nausea in my mind. I am taking compazine a half hour before my treatments. The nausea is not real bad at all. It could all be in my head.  I have to say that the people working there just make it so much easier. They are just so sweet and amazing. Must be part of their job requirements, because they ALL are. I want to make them some special treats for Christmas and take it to them this Thursday.

KATU Interview with the girls and I

We are hoping that someone who would have never thought to be tested would see this and go . HMMM maybe I should talk to my Doctor about this.
Look at your history and if you have 2 relatives, Mom and Aunt, Sister and Grama. or 2 people close in your family that have had breast cancer early in life prior to Menopause. You just might want to be tested. Know your risks and know what you want to do. What the girls and I choose may not be your choice, but this way you would know and be able to make choices regarding it.
Bless you all

http://www.katu.com/news/local/Sisters-make-tough-choices-to-head-off-possible-breast-cancer-135693373.html

how it is going

I don't really have alot to say about the treatment.. It is every day. I do get a little sick from it off and on. I am getting very tired.
I find that when I get tired, I GET TIRED. It is just bang and then I need to go to bed. It is the kind of tired that makes me cry. This might sound funny, but the last year and a half when I get really tired I usually cry for no reason. That is when I know that it is bed time.
Last night Dan was installing a new t.v and he looked over at me and said " are you asleep" I was just staring at a paper wrapper on the coffee table. I knew I was going to start crying so I also knew it was bed time. It was just a little after 8, but I was done. Getting out of the bed is harder in the morning also.
The Radiation tech asked me how I was handling the getting tired last Thursday.He said that I was getting more treatments than the normal breast cancer treatment because of the sternum. The average breast cancer patient gets 2-10 different positions of radiation . I am getting 16-22. At least he did not say I was a tough little cookie. I saw a woman who looked like she had, had a pot of boiling oil thrown on her chest. Lobster red and blisters. She said she had accidentally tore off her first layer of skin while taking of her night gown in the morning. She said she was to sleepy and she forgot to go slow. That scared the pee wad out of me.  I guess I had more to say than I thought
STILL I like this better than chemo.

my blog

If you read on the right side of this blog you will see months and dates. They have little stories about my past experiances with cancer and how much my family means to me.

A big shout out to Rachael for helping me to design this blog page

Song he loved

Michael says in the back ground. " I wish I loved any song as much as you love that song" I think that Jacob was about a year and a half old.  I just love this. When his Mom calls that is her ring tone

From our house to yours.......First big frost

I went to a wreth making party Thursday night and this swag is my wreath project. It was a super fun time . It sounded like a bee hive with all the womens laughter and talking.

Love my old door. It had to have a decoration on it also. Red and green feathers

The leaves are falling like crazy this morning. The temp says 29 degrees. When I got up everything was covered in a beautiful white frost. Then I noticed as the sun came up and it hit the trees, it looked like it was snowing. It was snowing leaves. The trees are dropping the last of the leaves and it looks like they might just do all of it today. So beautiful to watch nature do its thing.I hope you all enjoy the leaves falling as much as I did. I went outside and you could hear the big ones hitting the ground. I am sure that is what it sounds like in the forest even when no one is there

Final requests are YOUR final requests. Make them yourself, make them known

Dan and I have talked over the years of what we wanted when we passed from this earth. We had a good family friend pass away on Thanksgiving day and it got me to thinking when I saw people I loved trying to make some quick decisions for our friends final requests. Final requests should not be left for someone else to make for you. They are YOUR final requests . Make them known and pay for them if you can so that the people you love are not making quick expensive decisions. Decisions made during a emotional time of grieving. SOOOOO that said. I decided to get some pre funeral planning done for Dan and I. I went to City view cemetery on Tuesday. They have a mortuary also and I went to Virgil T Golden's. I got a bunch of info and came home and talked to Dan about what I had learned. We have decided to be cremated and put in a outdoor crypt together when the time comes. It was not weird. I kind of felt like a party planner looking at venues and deciding how much money you want to spend. I did tell both places I did not want to by a wedding dress to be buried in. ( meaning to say I was not going to spend a fortune for something no one will ever see. That was when I was looking at coffins. I found some that were about 550. cool old style wood ones. Dan had always wanted to be buried. Once we looked at it all the information, he liked the cremation venue better in the outdoor building in a crypt with a plaque stating that we were there. ( sounds a bit like Colonel mustard in the library with the candlestick) It is actually a good feeling to know that we have that all figured out and can just put it behind us and know that those decisions are all done. That neither of us or our kids will have to do that now. It is taken care of. Kind of freeing.

treatments so far

I see the Doctor every Wed and this one he might have something to say. I really don't know how this whole thing with radiation goes. I have the routine down now. I go in and get my kimono on and they come and get me from a real nice waiting room where they have a fridge stocked with juices for us ( being all the ladies waiting for their treatment) and a coffee maker and crackers. My actual radiation treatment takes about 10 minutes and 10 minutes to get me set up. I get on a table and crawl up into a form that is made for my upper back head and shoulders area and then lift my hands up above my head and grab this bar that is like the handle bars on a bike. Once I do that, they move me around a bit according to Lazar beams, then they do a CT scan and then they will say OK we are going to start the treatment now over a speaker, (they have left the room by then). They turn on what ever kind of music I want.I hold as still as I can and I think I am real still. They keep saying what a great job I am doing. ( what just laying there) yes I am good at just laying around. I think I could go pro with it. If it were a Olympic event I am sure at this time in my life I could be a gold medal winner.

My treatment on Friday made me a little sick, so did my treatment on Monday. They gave me a prescription for compazine for those times. He said on Monday that it was touching my liver a little bit that could cause me to be a bit sick. also they are going up my neck to right under my ear. He said that could make me lose my appetite. I had a bit of a rash today and it was slightly red and itchy. The nodes under my armpit have been sore again the last 3 days, but I cant feel anything so I think that it is just the treatments. Feeling a little off this morning and stomach is talking alot.

Today the Doctor showed Dan and I all the films of my treatment and exactly where it had been going. You can see that it is already shrinking tissue on my sternum. There is no real tumor they are going for so you cant see a shrinking tumor. They are going after the area that they could not get clear margins when they removed the tumor.
I can say that the sternum area is very sensitive and remains sore to painful . Still cant sleep on my stomach or my left side for some reason it hurts worse on that side.

Heard a great sermon about everyday being a gift. I do believe that. Great sermon. 







Life is good and we just keep moving forward.