round 3 of chemo -1 new treatment down

 

Well I did my first treatment a week ago on Monday. It was easy to go in and get it. It took about 4 hours all together.

 

I thought I was breezing through it and on the 3rd day I was ready to go shopping. Then at about 11:30 I sat down and cryed and needed to go home. Overcome by emotions (prednisone) I went home and slept. Then each day seemed worse. I went in yesterday and they said that I had cough a cold on top of the chemo. Bad cough. I am taking strong antibiotics and hope to keep this reined in. My low blood count days start today and for about the next 4 days. Needless to say I am staying home and away from anyone sick. Even though I was passing mine around when I thought it was from the chemo.

Our house is all packed up and it will get loaded up o Saturday. We move to the hotel on Saturday and should be able to take possession of our new place on the 12 or 13th.

Then we will have about 2-3 weeks of work and then we can move in. We still wont have a kitchen in, but to just get settled into our new place will be great. The new kitchen will be in in about 6 weeks from closing. I will post before and after pics. Dan and I are building and fluffing a very comfortable nest for the two of us to rest in. We think that we will have more time to be with our family and friends. Not having a yard or a big home to always consume our time and energy. It is better spent else where.

 

 

 

Hugs from Heaven

I got a giant hug in the mail today. I got home and there was a package on my front door step. I opened it and it looked familiar. I could still make out a faint design in black.   started reading the letter then I had to stop. Dan came in the room and he sat down and I read it out loud to him. We both cried. It was truly a hug from heaven.
Thank you Aunt Judy. ( yes it is a God thing )

My aunt has a life long friend name Jan. I send her my blog and she reads it to my aunt Judy.

My aunt Judy sent me a package with a letter in it. I want to put a portion of her letter to me in this blog.

" I don't know all the time line for this BUT I must tell you what God showed me: I was so cold my butt and legs were really cold , so I got to thinking what I had to wear that would be warm and cover my behind. I mentally went Thur my inventory then I remembered this cozy shirt your Mom gave me a long time ago. She and I always got so depressed when Nov rolled around. She knew I always fight the winter/ Nov blahs by waring RED. I used to ware red lipstick, red nail polish, red sweatshirts and even red boots ( when I was young ) Any way I went and got it out of the drawer and brought it out here to the living room, intending to wear it. When GODs holy spirit said ( in my head)" not you, that is for Crissy. Just as sure as I am sitting here at the big table, by the big windows His voice. I knew that voice I have heard it many times in my life. There is no doubt because at that time of the day & all of this was before Jan had gotten home and called & read your blog to me. Of course now I know HE told me those words.

Darline, when you are cold warn out and physilogically drained , put this on and know in your heart it is hugs , loves those shared special times between you and your Mom. You are so precious to your parents, as their baby girl, and you are even more precious yo your heavenly father. Feel all their arms around you holding you in their eternal love.
Little did your Mom or I know that this cozy shirt ( she wore in a pic with your Dad) would one day be a hug from heaven to you our dear Crissy. 

Ok now you can see why we cryed.  I will ware this shirt and feel close to my Aunt Judy. My Mom and Dad and my heavenly father.
Thank you Aunt Judy for the amazing hug in a package. I love you
Crissr.


My spell check is not working :)

Self Grace

Rachael sent this to me. This is what gives me such strength. All of you who believe in me.
Bless you.

This is a long story.

Well we left the hotel at 7:30 Az time. 6:30 our time .,I am not a morning person. The drive is about 5 minutes from the hotel so we left very early to make sure we were not late. All the paper work said ( don't be late or we might have to reschedule). We did not want that. As we got going we ran into a MAJOR traffic jam..........I thought everyone here was retired????????
It was a very bad accident. Looked like it could have been fatal.( prayed for those involved ) I could see the mayo clinic, but it still took us until 8:30 to get there. We called them while we were slowed down once again as there was a 4 car fender bender on the bypass that they sent us on to get around the wreck . I felt like getting out and running through the little piece of desert to get there. Snakes and cactus kept me in the car.

everyone was late . Thank God.

I had my blood draw and was waiting in the waiting room and the gal in charge of the drug study came out and said they had cancelled the CT scan. They were having a problem with my insurance paying for it. That was suppose to be figured out 2 weeks ago. My insurance had just payed for one about 3-4 weeks ago. The drug trial co is suppose to pick up anything my insurance did not pay. WHAT is the problem. They asked me to go to another waiting room. I told the gal we had traveled about half way across the U.S and paid 1500 dollars that if they did not get it figured out that I would not be making the trip back. She came back about 1/2 hour later and said it was all figured out. Needless to say I was very frazzled and crying. I had my CT scan. My Echo on my heart then meet with 2 different Doctors. We did get lunch around 12:30 this was after fasting and no coffee. I will admit I had to keep working on the water works the rest of our visit. Dan cried a few times with me. We left and went and got a ice cream and was told that the area we are staying in they just found arsenic in the water. I came back and took a nap. Dan went for a walk and came back with bottled water. Ya it was a day. We go back tomorrow at 9am I will get a blood draw get my meds and 3 hours later another blood draw. I had a blood draw today then got a IV. I must say that their CT scan drink tasted like a pretty good piña colida.

Thank God tomorrow is a new day.
The new day was not so great. We woke rested and then started a confusing day allover again. I had my blood draw and then the head of the trial and the financial off came and said that that they needed to talk to Dan and I. We moved off to the side and they told us once again that our insurance was not wanting to pay for the standard of care that they had said that they would. IN looking into it a bit more. The drug study was wanting my Insurance company to pay for way more than standard of care. When we went down there it was because they had worked it all out with my insurance company and the drug maker was going to pick up the tab on everything not covered. This was not true. They were only going to cover the drug. Wish we had know this much sooner. Like several thousand dollars ago. They were trying to get it figured out. Dan and I waited from 9:30 to 1 and they called us and said that they had it all worked out that I needed to come up and take my first dose. We did this and then My Dr there wanted to talk to me off the record!!
She said that she had heard that our insurance was not going to pay for anything to do with the drug trial. I explained all that we had been through. Tears of frustration rolling down my face. She went on to explain that if I had any side effects and ended up in the hospital that I would be on the hook for that bill and she thought they could be from $100,000 to 2 million very quickly. I told her we could not take that financial risk. ( I had talked to my insurance company and they acted like they would pay for this stuff. I am not a insurance expert so I was going with that they would not)
We left after discussing a different treatment that I could have here in Salem. We had been gone about 1/2 a hour. Just enough time to really get a grip on the situation and feel good about heading home with out starting the treatments. When my phone rang. It was the financial office stating that they had worked it out with my insurance company and that they were willing to pay for everything.
Dan and I were both numb..... WHAT????????? she was saying come back and get the drugs. Dan said that he would turn right around and go back all I had to do was say the word. I could not.
I had told her I would call her back. I could not do that either. We went and ate 1/2 a dozen donuts and said lets go home.
This whole thing gave me so much peace about the care I had been getting in Salem.
She had said the same thing as the DR from the Mayo clinic and I had never had the problems. I felt like I could go every 3 weeks and get the run around each time. I would start feeling sick and have to do that all day flights and hotels and rental cars and the run around again. It then sounded very overwhelming. Staying in Salem sounds so much more peaceful. Near my home, my family and my support system.
It was a hard lesson to learn, but I believe it was to bring me back to Salem and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was where I was suppose to be for my treatments.
I will keep in contact with the Dr from the mayo clinic. I will probably go in about 6 months and see her. Just not ready to do it right away.

I meet with DR Tiffany today at 2:30 to go over my new treatment. I am so prepared to do this. I guess as prepared as one can be.
I think it is a IV infusion , and all that comes along with that . Yes I should be bald again. It is easy as long as Dan keeps telling me how beautiful I am without hair.

Starting treatment

I don't know how to explain how you can be so excited to start doing something when you are dreading it even more. It is such opposite feelings about the same event. Hard to make spence about it. But this is how I am feeling about it.
Dan and I are flying to Scottsdale on Tuesday. I have Dr appointments from 8-2 on Wednesday. Then  Thursday at 9 more testing . Then I will start my chemo pills then another blood test 3 hours later. I won't lose my hair, but it comes with all the other glorious side effects.  Headed home on Friday.

Please say a prayer for my  niece , she is having a double mastectomy on Friday. YES , she is BRCA1 positive also.
 I will post after we get home and let you know how it went. Going to Scottsdale every 3 weeks.

Information, fun and more fun

The mayo Clinic in Scottsdale Arizona. It was so great to be able to come here and get a second opinion. We meet with the DR Nina Karlin. We both liked her right off and it was not just because her name was Nina ( what my grand kids call me ). She was just so with it. We left with her having my sternum biopsy slid and my lung biopsy slide being sent to the Mayo clinic in Rochester. She wants them all run again and check for Her 2 also. I guess one of mine came back once her2 positive. This was the first we had heard that. I have had so many different diagnosis on my tumors. It is important to get it right as this will dictate the type of treatment that is best for my tumors. The majority it has come back a triple negative. I believe it will be confirmed once again.
I am having a CT scan tomorrow to update that and see what is going on in my lungs. I cant feel anything so I cant say of I think that more is going one. Once Dr Karlin has this information she will give her opinion on what form of treatment I should have. She did say that I should start treatment and not wait to do so.

Dan and I meet today with a DR at OHSU that is getting ready to start a drug study for triple negative  breast cancer. He thinks I would make a good candidate for this. It would be in the form of 2 different pills ( YES) no port. He said it has some side effects that come about the first 3 months and then they go away.compared to other drugs that get worse over time. They have found that one of the pills goes after the tumor markers and when it would change to become resistant the other pill does not allow the second morphing. It sure sounded good to Dan and I. I would go up the first couple of weeks a couple of times a week and then it would get to about every 2 weeks. The DR said it has been showing some great strides.

I am very thankful to all the Dr's helping me to make the best decision for me.
Dr Tiffany for encouraging me to look into other options and get the second opinion.
Dr Karlin for looking into my tumors more
Dr Martin for being so excited about the new study
Dr Gordon for his late night calls to just check on me and see how I am doing.
Dr Leonard for giving me back my boobs. He is an amazing Plastic surgeon.
If I ever get the guts up I will post a pic of my new boobs on this site.

Dr Vanderburg for always helping me to seek more tests when everyone said it is all good.

Dan and I had a wonderful time in AZ. We decided to make it a mini vacation and we drove to Sedona. It was beyond beautiful.

So many beautiful rock formations in so many colors

When I took this picture and walked back to the car. My dress hem was full of burs from some grass that was growing next to this cactus. Dan had to help me pull them off my dress so I could get in the car.

We finished off the evening with the BEST Italian food ever. The owner wrote this book on Italian cooking. I usually come home with a new pair of earrings as my vacation memento. This time it was her cook book.

 

 

I will have to post later what the decisions are that we come to after all this new news. What I do know is that my trust in the Lord has not wavered. I know that he is in charge and will continue to guide Dan and I on this journey of life together. This is not something I am doing on my own. Dan is my constant companion, My strength and so much more. He sends me scriptures on my phone almost every day. He is my encourager.  I love this man

confusion to peace

Jenn Johnson - Come to Me

http://youtu.be/sjut9VTv4fw
 

 

This a song that Nydrie Edwards posted today on her facebook.  Thanks Nydrie.

 

I did not know what to write about today, but felt like putting my thoughts down on paper. I guess that today I am a little confused and not sure how I should feel. So what I really need today is just peace in my mind and my heart.

 

I got a call from the Mayo clinic today stating that they did more stains on my tumor and that they had 2 pathologists read it and they both agreed that it was a triple negative cancer.

I have had so many different diagnosis and with each one your cancer is treated a little different.

1st  triple negative

2nd  progesterone positive ( slightly)

3rd estrogen receptor positive ( slightly )

4th triple negative By 2 pathologists.

 

SOOO, the study I was going to do at the Mayo clinic is now being changed back to the original one that I was going to go there for. I have been on some meds that they will probably take me off of with this diagnosis. I am a little bummed because that means that I have been having basically no treatment for about 5 weeks. Because the drug I have been on is for estrogen receptor positive cancer.

 

I know that they will get it all worked out, but truly a bit tearful. I m feeling a bit overwhelmed today. Tomorrow is a new day.

 

New day today: I think I figured out what I was feeling. I have been taking Letrozol for about 5-6 weeks. I was told there was a 1% chance it would slow down my cancer ,then I was told that there was a 10% chance it would slow down my cancer. Then yesterday I was told that it would not do anything. I think that even though the numbers were low I was still very hopeful and yesterday I lost my hope for that drug and had to be honest with my self that I was REALLY hoping that it was going to do something. That I would go back in for a CT scan and they would say wow it is smaller or wow it did not change at all.  These are the bumpy roads I have talked about. Now that I know what I am feeling I can organize it , look at it, analyze it and get over it and move on. :)

 

The Lord is my Old Faithfull / is that ok to say

Dan and I have had a blast doing our road trip to Yellowstone Park. We planned to do this about 3 years ago then I got  sick and we put it off.
This time we planned it and I got sick and we said no better time then the present. So off we went we took our little Rosebud trailer and we packed her full of great things to much on, comfortable cloths and our computers :) Yes we love our computers. Some of you take your pets on your vacations we take our computers. Much neater, nothing to feed and nothing to clean up after.

I went to Yellowstone park with my Grand Parents and my Parents when I was 7 or 8. There is a lake called Jenny Lake at the base of the Grand Tetons ( GRAND for a reason ). I would tell Dan about it every once in a while. I really was impressed as a child how beautiful that lake was. So we had to make a trip to the lake.

 We stayed a couple of Nights in Jackson Wyoming and looked that area over. For me I would have to say the part of the trip that had the most impact on my was the little church in the Tetons. I have also told Dan about this church for years and the view it had out its little window. How you could feel the Lord there. Well It has not changed. We got there and it looked exactly as I had remembered it. Walking up there is a big bell. I rang that bell and it echoed all around us. .     

We went inside and again it was just like I remembered except one thing. This time the presence of the Lord was more than I have ever felt any where ever.

I wanted to talk about what I was feeling, but could only cry. I felt like the Lord was telling me again to ask him for a healing, from my cancer and from my pain. It felt like I had the biggest lump in my throat and I could not speak so only tears came. Finally I told Dan through choking tears that I felt like I was to pray for a healing. He prayed for me and I cryed some more.

 

We walked around and looked at the rest of the building that they had there, but I felt like I had just been covered in the Lords presence like a blanked. I felt it the rest of the day.

 

I have had what would in the begging a small spot under my right breast on a rib ( it felt like ) that would just hurt every now and then. Then it became more and more. Then I had surgery about 3 weeks ago to get rid so some scar tissue that was making things look bad and hurt. When I woke up this spot was much worse. It hurt the most. Over the days following the surgery it seemed to be getting a bit better. When we got on our trip it went into hyper drive and just was so painful. I was taking something for the pain every 4 hours. My radiation Doctor said it could have been caused by the radiation. All I knew was that I wanted it gone.

 

We still walked through all the majestic beauty of the Yellowstone Park and kept saying how amazing the Lord was for creating all of it. We saw so much natural beauty. If you ever get the chance to go it should be on everyone bucket list.

We came across a whole heard of Bison. Dan was reading on a sign about them when 2 of them started a grunting and head butting each other just on the other side of the ( flimsy ) sign . Everyone stepped back and Dan stood still taking pictures.

We had such a wonderful time. It was just as I imagined it would be.

But wait

This is not the end of my story. When we got back to our home in Bend. Again I felt like I was suppose to ask the Lord to heal me. So I prayed that he would. I woke up at about 7am the next morning and I still had that dang pain just as bad as ever. I went back to bed and woke up at 8:30 and yes it was GONE. I am praising the Lord for that.

 

 I believe that he wants us to keep bring our issues to him. His word says to come to his throne continually. So I am not bugging him I am only doing what he has asked of me. and Yes I woke up again today with no pain and had to share it. Thank you JESUS

P.S It was our 30th wedding anniversary on August 21st. The Lord gave me the answer to my prayers over 30 years ago and he is still answering them.

  

 

The whirl wind

Wow, where do I begin. Life was such a whirl wind for about 2 weeks. I am feeling grounded again. Maybe it is because I had surgery and had to slow down. I feel like my feet are back on the ground. Or should I say off the bed.

ok, lets start with the surgery. I was thinking a small surgery life the left boob a little more and get all the scar tissue out of the right one caused by the radiation. That sounds easy right?

Well now I have a drain coming out of my right side and left side and way more pain than I thought. It came in between the mastectomy and the getting of my permanent implants for a pain scale. I must say though that yesterday seemed to be a turning point and now if I could just get these drains out and and the elastic band that is around the top of my boobs gone I would feel way better. I can feel the drain in my right side right under my breast laying on my rib I think.

The day Dan and I were told that I should have about 2 years until the tumors in my lungs became symptomatic, then 3 years of treatments and anything after that would be a bonus. There is no other thing to say then. Are you kidding me. I am going to die of cancer. That is a hard one to wrap your brain around. I have always kind of thought I would, but even that is no guarantee. I could be hit by a bolt of lightening, fall in the shower, (chock on a chicken bone ,this one is more likely )

Dan and I both went through bouts of crying and sadness. We took a few days off from the world and we were together. It is a togetherness like no other. When you feel like you are going to be torn from the one you love so much. That nothing else matters. You can not put into words enough how heavy your heart feels. All the things that you think you will not be there for. I want to grow old with Dan. I want to be the one to get his slippers and help him put them on his feet. I want to cuddle into the curve of his back and keep his old bones warm. I want to be the one that goes to the store and gets his favorite foods and buy his undies and socks. This is what I want to do. I want to look at him and see the young man I married almost 30 years ago. I still see him everyday.

Then I realized that maybe we have been given a gift. KNOWLEDGE. Time is more precious than ever don't waste it.

So, we are getting our home that we have loved for about 11 years on the market and looking to move to a single story home. Little to no yard and probably brand new ( no work for Dan on weekends) We are going to play on the weekends and spend time with the people that we love. No more time on the yard, plumbing. caulking. whatever. Hopeful we will have simplified our daily life.

In the midst of our whirl wind Dan and I sat down and poured our hearts out to what what was going through our minds.  We did not hold back for fear of making the other person more afraid. I told him the thing that I was struggling with the most was that I felt like I was losing everyone, EVERYONE . At some point I would be gone and I was going to miss out on all that my family was doing and growing. My family means the world to me, they are my life's reward, my reason for being.

Dan said that at first he would be in shock and go to work and come home and pretend I was at work. Then he would be the old man that shows up to the holidays alone. That his home would never be home again without me here. For me looking at it now his walk through this will be much harder than mine. For this I am so sorry for. Letting each other know what was running around in our minds like crazy little devils, started the process of getting grounded again.  

We were both going through our own whirl winds and needed to say a few thing things in order to get our feet on the ground. Then the peace of Jesus came in like a flood, over flowing.

I thought about going to heaven and seeing all the people that I love there. My mom and Dad. Wow I miss them. I am sure that they have found out some great things about heaven that they can point out to me. I was thinking how people think that you are floating in the sky with a harp. NO that's not it. I am going to be dinning with my loved ones and the King of king the Lord of Lords. My guess is that there will be loads of laughter and joking. I love to do that. "Laughter doeth good like a medicine".

No I think heaven is going to put Earth to shame . no sadness, no tears, no sickness. It is going to be amazing.  I will be thinking .... I cant wait for them to get here to see what THEY were missing.

For now I am going to put as much life in my life that I can. Love my family and I am going to live REALLY live my life.

Elizabeth

Most of you know that my cancer has come back in my lungs. The have said that I wont be symptomatic for a couple of years . Sounds like they are saying I have about 5 years left with the possibility of more. No one knows the date they will pass on, I just have a range in time. So I am going to be about making the most of it. I will write more about that in my next blog.

 I have a great friend waiting in heaven to see me. She went home to be with the Lord Christmas day 2011. She has prayed for me for years. First for my salvation from grade school through high school (I needed lots of prayer). Then  after I got saved she prayed for what ever the need was in my life. I know that most of the people that Elizabeth meet on her path of life she has prayed for. She was one of the most amazing Christians I have even had the pleasure to know. Her Mom sent me this message through face book. I want to share it on my blog.

FROM:Shirley A. Siefarth

Cris, I dreamed about you last night. A group of women gathered on a dock by a river..instead of praying for you we were singing praises on your behalf. As I was taking my place with the other women, Elizabeth came in to join us. When I turned and saw her, I was amazed that she could be there. As we all were leaving the dock I stepped in to speak to her. I said I didn't know you could join us and she said "Oh yes, I can." It was a sweet dream. I'm praying for you Cris.

I believe that Elizabeth is singing praises and praying for me in heaven. She has the Lords ear.

waiting

My sister in law sent me this email today. It was beautiful, so I forwarded it on to my kids. They are waiting with me for my biopsy report to come back tomorrow. The clock seems to be ticking pretty slow.

Hi Dan and Cris: This part of Psalm 91: 4 came to mind for you guys:

He will cover you with his

feathers,
And under His wings you
may seek refuge;
His faithfulness will be your shield
and rampart,

Years ago I heard a lady speak named Laurel Lee who wrote "Walking Through the Fire"...her husband left her with two little kids when she was pregnant and also had cancer. She talked about being so distressed one time all she could think to pray was " feathers, feathers".

That is my prayer for you...."feathers, comfort, soft, waterproof, light, strong, beautiful, protective". Blessings as you move about your day. Fighting fear is a spiritual discipline and a choice. I don't do it well. Everytime I start to fear for you you I am going to pray " FEATHERS".

Much love, Sue

Renewed strength

Isiah 40:31

American King James Version
But they that wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint:

I heard a wonderful sermon on Sunday about not growing weary. I knew if was from the Lord to me. I even told Dan on Sunday that I felt like it was a message from the Lord to me. I know that thousands of other people felt it was for them and it was. It was for all of us. The Lord wants us all to run the good race and not grow weary.

I had my 3 month CT scan last Tuesday and I kind of new something was not right.
The Dr Called Dan and I on Monday and said that the 2 spots in my lungs that they were watching to make sure they did not change had done just that . They had gotten bigger and now I had a friend for the one in my left lung.
I am scheduled for a biopsy on Monday July 16th at 7am. Yes of course I am having to talk my self down. I have to keep reminding myself that the Lord has not let go of my hand , not even once. That what ever path he should choose for me to walk down he is with me. He is my strength and my shield.  I can do this.

Also the love my my amazing husband, family and friends. You have no idea how much strength you all give to me.

Either one will work

Well I am getting ready for my second CT scan since my radiation treatments. I will have it on Tuesday and I see my oncologist on the 12th to go over what ever they find. A phone call ahead of time means it looks great. No phone call means either she wants to talk to me in person .. OR like last time she read it just minutes before we meet with her. I like the phone call ahead of time. The 3rd untill the 12th is a long time.
She always says she will not give bad news over the phone.
I would like the phone call ahead of time.

Smells like Yellow

I was watching my grand kids the other night so that their Mom and Dad could have a date night. We read books, ate pizza, watched a movie, ran through the sprinkler ( them not me).
Then we went out front for them to eat fudge cycles and ride bikes. While we were out there my 2 year old  grand daughter Aubrey was picking the smallest yellow flowers off some weed in the grass . They were so tiny when she wanted you to smell them you had to do very carefully otherwise they would end up in your sinuses. After smelling a few of these she said. " Nina these smell like yellow"  I just love what my grand kids say. I just love my grand kids. Life is so good that even a small weed can bring pleasure if you want it to.

My cup runneth over

 

MY CUP RUNNETH OVER

It really does on the right side. :)
Ok, it looks like I will need one more surgery.  I have had pain on the right side of my chest for several weeks. From my sternum to my arm pit. Some times it has scared me....
. well many many times it has put fear in my heart. I also noticed that my right breast seemed to be a little more volumptious on the top that it used to be.  I went in and saw one of my favorite ladies Wendy at Dr Leonard's office. She said that I have a contracture going on on that side.  That accounts for shape change and yes the pain. OH YES!!!!!!!
so excited to have a contracture. It will be a easy surgery out patient, so home the same day. Then I can go back to being bra less again. This height change the last few weeks has been so noticeable that I have not wanted to do that. That was going to be the big perk ( no pun intended ) well yes there was:)  I have enjoyed the no bra and having the girls stay were they belonged. I don't like these unruly girls.
It is also such a big relief to know that is what is causing my pain.
I have a CT scan scheduled for about 4 weeks from now and a appointment with my oncologist. Yes they are taking good care of me.
The contracture is just something that can happen. No fault of mine.

BIG SMILE ON THIS GIRLS FACE

My comfort ring

I would have to say that if I have to much time by myself I can start to make mountains out of mole hills. I went to Bend this past Wed and had 2 entire days and nights by myself. You can think a lot of good thoughts when you have that much time.
But the old saying idol hands are the devils workshop. Well that is my mind. In the middle of my back on the right side I have had some pain for about 2 weeks now. not constant just now and then. I have been thinking IT IS PROBABLY CANCER IN MY LUNG. That is my mind. and then sometimes I could convince myself that I am sure it is. I could even take it so far as to think that we should not start doing the remodel on the Sunriver house at this time because I am going to need treatment again. My heart starts to race. I think about my family and what it will do to them........ Oh ya, I have a BIG imaginations

Then the voice of reason Dan comes in when he gets to Bend and says I have those same ache and pains all the time. It does not mean cancer. We are just getting older  . WHAT??????
that is so reasonable and sane.

The thing I have noticed about my self . When I am feeling a little scared or not myself I tend to put my Mom's mothers ring on. She gave it to me when she passed away. When I am waring it I feel closer to her. It usually means I need my Momma. Her birthday, mothers day, and when I want my Mom.
It is my comfort ring.

Happy Mothers day to all the Mom's I know out there.

 I believe that most of us Mom's would say that our children our the best thing we ever did. I know that is what I think. If I were only put here on this earth.... for this time in the world... by the Lord... to give birth to my 3 wonderful children..... so that they could go on and have the beautiful children that they have. Then it was all worth it. They are my BEST work Rachael, Michael and Kail. I love you more than you will ever know.
Mom

Rosebud, our 1958 Ken Craft travel trailer

This is Rosebud. Last summer we had a 1962 Mallard that one was a little to heavy, then we got a 1958 Caveman. That one was a little to small, Then we got a 1969 Aladdin. I named that one Goldie locks. Because it was just right. Then about 2 weeks later Rosebud came into our life. She had a toilet and that made her even better. She was also in all original condition. I love to look at the web site sisters on the fly and tin can tourists. I just love these vintage old trailers. We are going to try to make the toilet room more like a bathroom. One where you sit on the toilet and shower. We are looking into how to do this. That would make Rosebud the best trailer EVER!!! she is named for my great friend Rose who went with me to look at this trailer and also Dan and I loved the movie funny farm with Chevy Chase. He moved to a town called Rosebud and Dan and I have been through a few towns like Rosebud. I will put more photos of her on her for you to enjoy.

Our trip to the Redwoods Aug 2011

These were made in Hollywood California

It is a little girlie on the inside. Dan likes vintage things and is secure enough in his man hood so it is ok.     

This is what is on the cute little stove

keeping me healthy

Well every 3 months I am going to have a CT scan and blood work. Sounds like I should hate it, but I look forward to it. They can just keep telling me that everything is looking good. Most people hate medical tests..... now me I say bring them on. They just give me confidence that I am not sick.

The last one said that I had 2 very tiny tiny spots , one in each lung. My Oncologist Dr said that they were in my last CT scan also. This is a good thing because they did not just appear for the first time in this new Ct scan. She said it looked like they had possible gotten bigger. It could also have been the angel of the camera. They look like small scars and people have them all the time. We are just going to keep a eye on mine. My Radiation Dr called last night and he said he agreed with the first Doctor. I feel like I have a great team watching out for me. The radiation Doctor asked me if he could call me every few months. That he knew that the other Doctor was doing the follow up along with my surgeon still doing follow up and my plastic surgery. I really do have a team of people asking me questions and for me to ask questions to. I certainly feel like I have medical advocates on my side. God bless them

Dan was on the phone last night with Dr Gordon. He thanked him for taking the time in his life to go to college to become a Doctor and to do all the things he did to help me. Not only do I have great Doctors, but I have the most amazing husband. He has never forgotten to thank every doctor I have had for helping me.  My son in law Nolan has the same GP doctor as me. When he went in for a appointment with him he to thanked the Dr for helping to diagnose me last time. He thanked him for helping to save my life.

I am so thankful for all the people in my life, My husband, My kids,kids in law, Grand kids, Sister, brother, nieces, nephews, and all my friends who have encouraged me, made me laugh and prayed for me. You all know who you are. The Lord bless you all

He taught everyone how to laugh

Dan's father passed away. Larry Brennan was truly a gentleman. He was such a wonderful father in law and a amazing Grandfather. He had kind words for everyone and he was also very funny. I remember one time after dark out in the yard. Larry asked our 3 year old son if he wanted to hunt for night crawlers. He was so excited they started walking around the yard looking at the ground.Then all the sudden Larry went down on the ground and started rolling around and acting like he was wrestling with something. It was a green garden hose. He convinced Michael it was a night crawler. Another time Michael was being teased by a neighbor kid and Larry told Michael to tell the kid to knock it off or else he would rip his lips off and feed them to the chickens. Michael could not remember all of that so he just opened the front door and yelled at the other kid RIP CHICKENS!!!. We would always laugh and say RIP CHICKENS.  On Larry's 50th birthday he wore a white jacket that you could write something to him on. Dan wrote real big on the back of it RIP CHICKENS.

 We will always miss him until we are reunited in heaven some day.

I said he had a great since of humor

I am back

I am not just back from Texas, but I feel like the me is back.

I got up today and went to the office meeting, ran Real Estate errands, moved my office across the hall from where it has been for many years, showed a couple of homes, moved my office some more and then wrote a offer for some new clients. When I got home tired from the day ( normal tired ) wow that just puts a smile on my face. It feels so good to be back I mean back at work and feeling like I am really there, not just able to do it a few hours but the whole day. When getting in and out of the car a few times does not make me feel week. I have plans tomorrow for another day just like it. I need to be at the office by 9 am, do a market analysis and go out and list a home at 11 am in Aumsville for some past clients. Get my pictures in, write my adds and turn in my paper work. Then finish moving my office across the hall. Even that is fun because it feels like a new beginning at my same office where I enjoy everyone there........ OH YES,  I AM BACK!!!!

I am not a wuss, I am not a wuss

I am not a wuss. I saw my Radiation Oncologist today and he declared I am not a wuss. I have been feeling like it is taking entirely to long to get over everything. That I had felt tired for so long and had not expected it. Was this abnormal. He was so sweet and said that when you look back over the past 24 months that the 16 Chemo treatments I had and the actual chemo drugs  it really had kicked my reserves in the hinny. Then you throw the 36 radiation treatments. When my reserves were not there. Well you get the picture. He thought I was doing amazing. I truly dont feel it. He said in about a month I would start feeling my reserves come back. That if I go all out for a couple of days then my body might say the 3 or 4 day( DONE). I have felt that so I know what he is talking about . I dont have the days of crying alot. The prednisone is down to a very low dose that is very tolerable. I take it until the 15 and then I am done with that. I see my regular Oncologist tomorrow and will be talking about lowering or getting off my blood pressure meds ( the Avastin caused my blood pressure to go up) It might be the cause for my light headedness and spots when I stand up to fast. YAHOOOOOOO I might be going off another med. I would like to only be on my little easy Thyroid pill again. I do see wellness in my future and I am feeling very positive about my future.
" My people perish for a lack of a vision"
I have a vision of great health, great times with my kids and grand kids, Gardening, camping and oh yes eating something I have never eaten before with my Big Sweet, we love to try new foods.

what to say

Hi everyone.
 I have not written for awhile, because I really did not know what to say. I have been down for the count for about 4 weeks. I really did not expect to be so sick after radiation so I was not emotionally prepared for it at all. I like it when they say you will be sick for a bout a week  or this is what is going to happen. I know that there are no guarantees in anything, just was not ready .
I was so fatigued that I stayed on the couch or my bed for about 2 1/2 weeks. Then I thought I was getting better and then bang back down again. As of the last 2-3 days I have had more energy, less cough and feel more like myself. Last Thursday they took me off the Tamoxifen and we will re visit that later next month. I had so much prednisone in my system that I could not tell if all I was feeling was the T or the P. All I know is it was to much for me. My heart was beating fast, felt light headed, week, I could go on and on , but I wont. Enough to say I felt bad. Prednisone makes me cry alot also so everyone had to put up with that to.  I see both of my Oncologists next week. One will be talking to me about my lungs, which I believe are so much better. He would call each week and say " you will feel so much better next week" :)   NEXT WEEK.
The other one will talk to me about the Tamoxifen. I will try it again, just not with the prednisone.
Well this is a boring entry to my blog. That is why I have not put anything in it for awhile. The next one will be more fun.

This is a picture of my Mom and Dad, My sister and my brother. I am the one in diapers on my Moms hip. ( Funny thought, I still had my own nipples then :) Who would have thought that this family would have gone through so much. My parents are what have made me how ever strong I am. My Dad even being blind could do ANYTHING. He is my hero

pneumonitis ?

I have had a light cough for about 4 weeks, this past week it turned into shortness of breath, extreme fatigue and coughing until I would almost wet my pants. Yes I said it wet my pants. I saw one of my doctors who prescribed me a cough syrup and ordered a chest xray.
The next day I was back in my radiation oncologists office and he said I have radiation Pneumonitis. This where the lining of your lungs get inflamed. Well my right one where they radiated a portion of it is really rebellion to the radiation.
I am now on a hefty dose of prednisone for a week milder for a week and 2 weeks to get off of it. I was feeling kinda normal for about 3 days.
He said I will be doing much better by next Friday and I can tell you I am counting on it. I forgot how the steroids make me cry for no reason. You say something nice, mean indifferent and I could just start crying. It is a little un-nerving considering that I dont know what is going to make the spring spring forth. Not always in the best conditions. So for a few days I will be staying home alot. Also I do not want to catch the bad cold that is going around. That is the last thing I need.
My sweet sister dropped by a Brighton spacer for my charm bracelet that says sisters with some bling on the sides of it. Oh yes I was a gusher, then later in the day 2 sweet ladies I work with left  me some flowers on my front porch. Vera and Cindy that was so kind of you and yes again the tears rolled.  You all make me feel so special and loved. Thank you for the strength that comes through  you to me. Bless you

• 
  Radiation pneumonitis is an inflammation of the lungs due to radiation therapy. This side effect of radiation therapy occurs in 5 to 15% of people who go through radiation therapy for lung cancer, but can also result from radiation to the chest for breast cancer, lymphomas, or other cancers.
  Radiation pneumonitis most commonly occurs between 1 and 6 months after completing radiation therapy. The risk of developing this complication depends on the dose of radiation used and the amount of tissue treated. It is more common if chemotherapy is given at the same time as radiation therapy, and is more likely to occur if you have other lung diseases, such as COPD. With treatment, most people recover from radiation pneumonitis without any lasting effects.
  Common symptoms include:
  
  • Shortness of breath that is usually more notable with exercise
  • Chest pain, especially that which worsens with breathing
  • Cough
  • Low-grade fever

feeling a little more normal :)

WOW, I am finally done and actually feeling like this could be the end of it all.
I had a hard time the beginning of the second week. I got a bit depressed and could not really pin point it. I got a letter in the mail the next day from the Dr's office explaining all that I was feeling. I should check the mail more often.
Yesterday I got a beautiful card from a friend that was probably one of the most encouraging cards I have ever gotten. Thank you so much Rose Mary. So unexpected and I just loved it.
I saw DR Tiffany on Friday and she talked me into moving forward with Tamoxifen. I was a bit sceptical since 99% of my tumor could care less if my body has estrogen in it and 1 % says that it does not like it. We went over the side effects and agreed if they got bad then I would just stop taking it.
Dan also encouraged me to at least try it. What is hard is that there is no tumor that we are looking at ( thank the LORD) to see how it reacts so we are just saying if anything is there it could help. (MAYBE)
The Doctor said as far as they now I have no cancer Yahoooooo. Now I just keep going back unless I feel like something is wrong.
( not sure why the font changed ) 
I hope that you are all having a great weekend and loving the sun that is out.
I will continue to post things going on in my life and that of my kids and friends and health updates as I have them. God bless you all for your prayers for me. They are what keeps a person going.
The Joy of the Lord is our strength

safe in the storm

Well on Monday it was a week since my last radiation treatment. You would think that I would be super happy and over the top about it, and I am. I am also conflicted. I think that lots of cancer patients go through this. I know I did the last 2 times so I am not sure why I did not realize it would happen this time also.
You finish your treatment and then you think. Wow now I am not fighting and I might need to still be fighting. Now I have to wait to see if it worked. It is kind of a scary time. One where every little ache or pain makes you think. HMMM is this something..... should I go to the doctor........ I wonder how they will treat it this time. Then you have to grab your mind back and say. I AM 52. I will have unknown aches and pains. That is normal.

 Yes that is a man in the light house door. The Lord is keeping him safe in the storm. He can keep me safe in mine.

SOOOO now I am going to work at keeping control of my mind again. When I feel a little afraid I will  ask Dan to pray for me. I will not go lay down and cover up and just want to take a nap where I can get away from it. Cancer will not rule my life. I will let you know how I am doing. AND if you think of me please say a prayer for peace of mind for me. Love you all.